30 days and counting ~ His continued faithfullness

30 days to go..the last 8 months have been filled with one scare after another or one specialist after another. I have had to completely rely on God to provide for this baby not only in Health but also financially. As a codependent who can do everything herself this has been really hard for me. My mind in the first half of my pregnancy really wrestled to give God the control, step out of His way and trust him completely. But the hardest thing was really coming to a place to accept His will over mine for this baby.

As time went on it did get easier to release my mind and anxiety. Every time I had a thought or action that told me I was trying to control the situation I prayed, asked for forgiveness and focused on scriptures that tell me otherwise..Jeremiah 29:11, Hebrews 11:1..Making the choice either I trust Him or I don't..realizing that there is no middle gray area..I color in the gray area and complicate it in my mind.

Right now after being cleared form the Peri I had two gallbladder attacks in 3 days. I have never experienced pain in that way before( 12 hour heart attack! yikes!!). The first attack triggered contractions. That was two weeks ago, I am on a very difficult gallbladder diet, It is interesting how deeper and deeper I experience trusting Him, in a time I would overeat to deal with my feelings I can't, the baby would be put at risk i would not do that. I have experienced a hunger pains I have never experienced before but I also learned I am still alive, I am sustained..this week I feel a content with food I have never felt before. My feelings...I had to feel my way through them and guess what..I survived that too!

God is faithful in my life and my recovery issues..I still have days that seem like I will never make it through it with out an entire chocolate fudge cake and gallon of ice cream, but I do and I am.

Everyday I am reminded that my Father and Jesus love me more and can help me more then when I isolate or binge eat.

I am Thankful and overwhelmed that my Father would entrust me with another one of His little miracles..I accept His will not only for CJ's life, but for all of us. When I am focused on that, it is the most wonderful amazing place to be.